A real call I remember from several years ago:
ME: How can I help you?
CUSTOMER: I’m calling on behalf of my friend. He’s in bed ill. He’s got flu. He’s disabled. He can’t walk. He has a wheelchair. He’s got a bad heart. He’s had heart problems for some time now. They thought he’d had a heart attack but it was just a scare. He’s on tablets for it though. He’s had two strokes. He finds it hard to talk now, which is why I’m calling for him. He’s also got prostrate trouble…
ME (patiently): Can I have your name please?
CUSTOMER: I told you I’m phoning for my friend who is ill. He’s in bed. You can’t speak to him. I thought I’d help him by phoning you. Now you’re making things difficult for me. I’m only trying to help my friend. He needs someone to help him. With all his health problems. The district nurse will be here soon to check on him. I don’t understand why you’re being so unhelpfull…
ME: Can I just stop there? Can I have your name? And your friends name? And the address, please?
CUSTOMER: Well it’s…and he is…
ME: Is that Ms or Mrs?
CUSTOMER (indignantly): It’s Ms of course! I’m a virgin. I’ve never had sex. What are you trying to say? I’m nearly 60 years old! You’re a very rude person! They don’t they teach you people to have any manners? I’m not staying on here a minute longer!
Customer hangs up
ME: Thank the Gods for that!