15. BLOW YOUR NOSE BEFORE YOU CALL
If you have a cold blow your nose before calling us. Get a tissue before picking up the phone. If you are not sure what a tissue is or how to use it, then please speak to a family member for advice. If you call us and find that your snot is slowy running down your nostril, don’t sniff. Tough. You will have to let it run. It’s not nice for those of us who are wearing headphones that echo the slightest sound. If you sniff you may hear me puke down the phone. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.
16. COUGH OR CLEAR YOUR THROAT BEFORE YOU CALL
As stated above, the headphones echo the slightest sound. Your coughing or clearing of throat is especially loud and likely to burst our eardrums. If this happens just remember that you have given us your address. And we want compensation.