Category Archives: Call Centres

Well yesterday it was an exploding drain, today it’s an exploding oven. So the fuse has been lit. I wonder if it was a microwaved oven. I expect the food was chargrilled. I think the customer has begun a liking for well done steak. After hearing the news of the 3 arrested terrorists, the onesContinue reading “Exploding oven”

Customer told me today that if her drain wasn’t unblocked it would explode. Not sure if it was nuclear waste, or radioactive waste. May be she had been dropping atom bombs. Must have a liquid igniter. I know this is a shot in the dark, but I reckon this subject will be dynamite for theContinue reading “Exploding drains”

So today I had around 8 or 9 wrong numbers. People ringing our 0800 number because it’s a free phone number, and expecting us to put them through to the company they actually want. They think they are being clever and original. They think no one has ever done this before. I say it’s lazy,Continue reading “Wrong number”

A real call I remember from several years ago: ME: How can I help you? CUSTOMER: I’m calling on behalf of my friend. He’s in bed ill. He’s got flu. He’s disabled. He can’t walk. He has a wheelchair. He’s got a bad heart. He’s had heart problems for some time now. They thought he’dContinue reading “A memorable call”

Hermann, the young boiler born in 2006, was available for a few comments today. He says he has now left home and is currently residing with his Grandfather, Mr Potterton, and his partner, Ms Biasi. They are living near Malvern. Mr Potterton drives the big blue Ferroli. You may have seen him. Young Hermann isContinue reading “Catching up with Hermann”

One of my customers recently told me that his boiler had been born in 2006. I reckon this was a Vailant effort on the mothers part. It must have been a high pressured labour. The little spark must have proved a Thorn in his mom’s side while she was carrying him. I’m sure everyone litContinue reading “Did you know that boilers are born?”

My dear customers, I trust that you found part 1 extremely useful. I would now like to update you with part 2. Please print it off and attach it to part 1 on your fridge. I’m sure you realise how important these points are, and wonder how you ever managed without them. 9. WE ONLYContinue reading “Tips for customers phoning the call centre Part 2”

I have the day off work today. Great! Been shopping. Now time to do my bit for the country. Thought it would be helpful if I put down some handy hints for people calling me and my colleagues. I sincerely hope that the following points prove to be of immense service to anyone contemplating ringingContinue reading “Tips for customers phoning the Call Centre”

Late shift today at my insurance call centre. Finish work 8pm. Valentines Day. Got my red top on. This has been requested by the authorities at work. We must all wear red or pink in keeping with the day. They fail to understand that red is the colour of anger so there may well beContinue reading “Late Shift…”

Well, after several years of being called an idiot, good girl, a moron, darling, love, a tw*t, amongst many others. Being sworn at, belched at, sniffed at, coughed at, stuttered at, and hung up on. Being treated like directory enquiries, the doctors surgery, the hospital, samaritans, the pet shop, and the zoo. I’ve now decidedContinue reading “Another day in customer care…”